When you embark on incorporating these compassionate communication tips into your daily patterns so that they become easy and habitual, you are launching a counter-cultural journey.

Tip #1: Take Personal Responsibility

Until we own that we ourselves have the responsibility and power for creating the kind of communications we want, we are stuck in the helplessness of victim hood. This requires us to assess honestly what we are doing, what we want, and what we need. Often a good friend, counselor, or consultant can help us with the perspective we need to own 100% where we are at in communication skill levels, and where we want to be. Self-Assessment Tools can also help us in becoming more aware. There is no change until we are aware of the need to change!

Tip #2: End the Manipulation Game

In our culture, we often use communication to manipulate. Compassionate communication shows you how to banish these barriers to effective communication:

Fear
Guilt
Shame
Blame
Coercion
Threat
Justification
Name-calling
Criticism
Labeling
Threats

Rather than use any of these to motivate action, compassionate communication emphasizes the intent and practice of compassion - for yourself and the other person.

Tip #3: Intend to Act Compassionately

Our culture teaches us to heap heavy criticism, judgment, and labels on ourselves and others. The founder of compassionate communication, Marshall Rosenberg, says, "All labels are the tragic expression of pain and unmet needs".

So our first task is to learn how to think, feel, and act compassionately towards ourselves. We can start by acknowledging that we each do our best in the moment. If we knew something better, we would do better.

Our next task is to learn how to direct that self-compassion towards the person with whom we wish to communicate. We do that by intending that we will communicate honestly and without blame, judgment or labels - and by becoming curious and empathic towards the other's feelings, needs, and requests.

Tip #4: Practice - Get Feedback - Practice

A 13 year old will spend hours, days and nights practicing shooting hoops. Actors and actresses spend hours, days, and weeks practicing their lines and expressions. Lawyers, doctors, accountants, and engineers study in long years of higher education - and then go out into the world to "practice" their art or trade.

Learning to communicate compassionately takes lots and lots of practice. But practice without feedback can often create a useless spinning of the wheels. Practice with people who can give you honest, compassionate feedback so you can learn, practice, adapt, practice, perfect.

Self Assessment

· Are you able to express your feelings?
· Are you able to get your needs met?
· How would you like your communications to improve?

You can discover how to express your feelings and needs – in an open, honest, non-attacking way that helps your communication partner and you feel more compassionate and cooperative with each other… whether your “partner” is a boss, a spouse, a child, a lover, a friend, or the guy behind the grocery counter

Pitfalls: What Happens When Communications Fail?

· Bosses feel misunderstood.
· Customers grouse about mistreatment
· Employees think they’re unappreciated
· Kids tell their parents they don’t understand
· Lovers wonder what happened to their romance
· Spouses stomp away from an argument in defeat